Boy Jumps Ship – The First Outing

Written by on June 5, 2018

Editors Note – Since the parties involved have a scattered memory about this night,
at best, this will be told in the third person. This is a collection of the fragmented
memories of broken toys.

The Boy was late, and visibly and emotionally hungover. Uncle Rock was at the bar, on time, and already enjoying a bottle of red wine. This would be the first and last time that the Boy would see rock enjoying such a beverage however he was just trying to get to the bar and hold on for dear life as it was. The night before had been a mess as always and the naïve thought process of a young drunk had been very much in the ‘what could go wrong’ category.

Uncle Rock had heard a lot about the Boy and had heard stories of nights out and drinking habits long before inviting him out to watch the first performance of a band that one of his friends had recommended – Boy Jumps Ship.

As such the appearance of the boy and his complete lack of energy was a stark contradiction to what he had been told and what he had been expecting. When asked what he wanted to drink the Boy had asked for a soft drink, yes you read that right.

After being asked again as a result of a complete lack of understanding from Uncle Rock of how such a thing could be requested in a bar the Boy relented and ordered a pint, drinking slowly and barely able to stand without falling asleep. Rock watched unimpressed as the Boy finished his drink and ordered another. In a very direct and dry manner the Boy was told “This is not what I was expecting.”

The Boy was too slow off the mark at this point in his life to understand how much that comment made this sound like a rent boy situation gone horribly wrong and woke himself up a little, ordering a rack of six vodka shots and a pitcher of Purple Rain cocktails with two extra shots of vodka.

The games commenced with Rock timing the Boy as he downed the shots in quick succession (8 seconds for all 6, don’t try this at home). When asked how many glasses were needed for the pitcher the boy shook his head and downed the pitcher in order to fully clear his head and return to the fully functioning fool that had always been.

Editor’s Note – At this point no one knows what happened, we can assume that the activities were well behaved, quiet and respectful and that nothing controversial was even close to happening.

The Boy Jumps Ship gig was a small affair in the Head of Steam. There were few people there to watch, mostly friends and family of the band, and the two morons that had just finished drinking snake bites upstairs. They would later blame these specific drinks for their complete lack of memory of the day, not the many that came before in a criss crossing game of catch up that it has become all too easy to restart on any given occasion. Nothing sets you up for a lifetime of success as a band like two drunk strangers standing as close to the stage as possible and chanting the name of your bass player over and over again so that no one can see or hear you play.

To give some idea of the state of things The Boy pointed out that the drummer (Gav) was playing an electric table top drum machine, it would be another 20 minutes before Rock would realise that there was not a drum set on the stage.

By way of an apology, I suppose, there was merch bought in healthy quantities, which continues to be the practice when the two embarrass themselves. They each have more Boy Jumps Ship T-shirts than any other band.

Call for help – If you know any more about this day out than is mentioned here please let us know, since we have no clue and it would be nice to be able to piece this story together properly.

And so began the longstanding tradition of being too drunk to properly experience a Boy Jumps Ship gig, carried on faithfully until they were part of the This is Tomorrow festival. Then the Boy was only a few beers in and Uncle Rock was working the next day and driving. We are currently not sure whether that makes us more responsible or as if we are slipping. Were it not for this complete lack of regard for health or personal safety we would not be where we are today, so who’re really the irresponsible idiots?


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